Let me explain

I finished watching Kevin Hart and he is so funny. the reason why I love his work is that he doesn’t do the standard ‘ethnic’ jokes. He does jokes we all can relate to. I used to wish I was a person all people could relate to but then I saw how people truly are. Most people don’t want to be an outsider; they want to be well liked, popular.  In my experience, this leads to deception, betrayal. Most people are not brave. Most people don’t want to be that lone voice. Most people want life to go on as it is without hiccups (or is it hiccoughs, word check says the former). I think, rather I know that I was created to be that lone wolf; to be on the outside; (i’m not using the semi-colon properly, am I?) I am happier alone. For me, my life has less problems with the fewer people I know. I don’t want to deal with your shit on top of my shit. I have a low shit tolerance. By being myself, I naturally give off a pheromone that says fuck off. I’m not tough or a bad-ass or ghetto. I just stopped giving a shit. You know what, if I want to get finger-fucked by a chef on our first date, then i’m going to do it because i just don’t give a fuck. i could die tomorrow. And while i regret that Ted did not call me back the next day or any thereafter, he can’t take away the totally awesome memories we created. I love being in my kitchen now. I think of him and there is so much warmth there in that room where there was none. I hate cooking. It’s a whole childhood issue thing which i won’t go into. Ted was also in my bedroom but he didn’t leave an impression there. I did save his magnum condoms though. They’re in the freezer. Is that weird? I was hoping whatever voodoo blood coursing through my veins would put his penis on ice. Spells only work if you believe or so they say. Anyway he taught me how to cook steak and asparagus with kale; also he taught me how to open a bottle of wine slowly, which really was worthless since i only drink the cheap stuff, red moscato. i love the sweetness. Just finished some off. delish. Ok. back to me. I’ve become accustomed to starting over, so change doesn’t frighten me as it does most. The friends I have one year, i don’t have the next because I don’t keep in touch. I start over with new friends. I don’t want to be forced to be one way because they can only see me that way. I need to be free of those restraints. I believe people who have no problem with themselves, actually love being around me. they admire me and my socially retarded frankness. But i’m not socially retarded. I see the world as it should be seen, as it is. You do know that there is no such thing as karma right? If karma existed, there would be no evil in the world because karma would take care of the bad people. Karma only exists if you believe, so stop fucking your life up doing shit you don’t want to do because you think something bad will happen if you don’t give to the homeless, or say your prayers or smile and always be polite. But you should always tip your servers if they do a good job. Most of them work hard. I don’t know where that came from. tipping. that’s all i have for this installment. It’s late, 5am. I also watched a jason Statham movie so i am a bit randy but i won’t masturbate since i’m tired. well not tired, per se, but just interesting in thinking about jason and not jerking off to him. Does that make since? ok, nite…