Updates from November, 2013 Toggle Comment Threads | Keyboard Shortcuts

  • ContactRida 11:59 pm on November 30, 2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Adoption, ,   

    beneath the mask 

    did you even bother to read my haiku on adoption? do you even read my posts? here. read this post of mine: http://contactrida.com/2013/11/16/mamas-broken-heart-extreme-ways/

    then we can compare who has had the more fucked up life.

    and for the record, OM, i have been rejected by my birth mother, my bloodline and my race.  so i plenty fucking understand.  only difference is, i don’t waste my time arguing, i go out and make the world change, bend its will to my own.

    being told by my own mother that she wished i was dead, made me a fighter. so the fighter in me tells you to go fuck yourself.

    go fuck yourself because you are too blinded by your personal rage to see that my haiku was an homage to adoption. go fuck yourself because you are too self-consumed to see that your passion for adoption moved me so much that i quit writing about myself and wrote about how treasured adoption is.

    stop fucking skimming shit and read shit all the way through. that’s the blessing of having a tiny number of Followers, i get to experience their life through their eyes and actually give a damn about it without passing judgment.

  • ContactRida 2:21 am on November 29, 2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    like an animal 

    thrown against the wall
    neck breasts devoured by you
    insatiable me

    parted thighs reveal
    moist pleasure invites you in
    go deeper harder

    faster into me
    that’s the spot coming oh yes
    let’s do it again


  • ContactRida 11:50 pm on November 28, 2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   


    cataloged but not
    items for sale delicate
    fragile needing you

    a sanctuary
    and patience is required
    must be role model

    and give love that is
    unconditional to her
    or him forever


  • ContactRida 11:00 pm on November 27, 2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    swimming lesson 

    white long extended.
    i approach. knees betray me
    trembling. i’m frozen.

    my toes grip the edge.
    arms together straight pointed
    toward unknown depths.

    blue green and tranquil.
    don’t swallow. don’t breathe. “push me.”
    ripples created

    as i dive into
    a claustrophobic wetness.
    frantic. i panic.

    eyes open but blind.
    please god let me see the wall.
    so far yet so close.

    gulping. gasping. breathe!
    your hand. i see. grab for it!


  • ContactRida 11:57 pm on November 26, 2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    white virgin 

    brilliant white virgin
    i mark your territory
    glistening beauty

    no sounds but my own
    carving gliding and floating
    upon you with ease

    on your blue bird day
    i honor you with my spray
    to end these first tracks


  • ContactRida 11:20 pm on November 26, 2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    false words 

    false words you offered.
    your false words bring misery.
    false words, my sorrow.

    my pain can escape
    through the false words i offer
    to you, i forgive.


  • ContactRida 10:53 pm on November 25, 2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Dildo, eharmony, kinky, losers, match, men, okcupid,   

    why online dating sites are full of cowardly, worthless men 

    Van:  Hey baby kissy face (nov 19)

    Rida:   hi Van:) hope your day is going well thus far. i have a far out idea for our date, but only if you trust me.you could pick me up on friday and drive me to your place. we would stay there together watching tv or playing parcheesi. then you would go to work, leaving me there until you returned from work. but of course, you would have to trust me. i wouldn’t leave you alone in my place, so i completely understand. but on the other hand, i’ve passed my drug test, and my federal state background clearances and i haven’t raped any kids in the past consecutive 12 months:) it’s up to you. i won’t steal your identity since i actually have good credit for a black person:) it would be nice to wake up to you, even if it is 5oclock in the morning… (nov 21)

    Rida:   after re-reading this, i still don’t get why you freaked out. how is it ok to talk about dildo shopping and sado/masochism, but not ok to suggest a sleep over (where nothing sexual would have occurred)? i recall you telling me you fantasized about eating me out and licking my latex, thigh high boots (and many other kinky things), so should I have freaked out when you said those things? maybe, but i’m an adult, i’ve heard far out things before, they don’t phase me. they are just words that have no basis in reality. you were the one who wanted to see me so badly. you were the one who was trying to re-arrange his work schedule. i merely suggested a logical  solution that would not require you to lose sleep and to get to work on time, so i’m the psycho for trying to accommodate you. you are a 35 year old grown ass man. if something freaks you out, learn how to use your words. don’t be a cock tease or total asshole to a very nice person who actually found you very captivating and refreshing. i did nothing wrong besides play by the rules you set in motion. if i apologize for anything, it’s for believing you were a unique, adventurous and honorable man. clearly i was wrong.  please continue not contacting me. (nov 25)



    ps:  i am still in my happy place. this loser initiated every single contact. he chased ME! but the second i became ‘aggressive’, he says, “oh, that kinda came out of nowhere, you wanting to sleep over.” wtf! him telling me he wanted me to ass-rape him with a small dildo, came out of nowhere too, but i thought we were both adults. clearly, online men can’t take the heat they dish out. bunch of limp-dicked spineless social retards. but hey, maybe it’s me. maybe i am fucking scary, like boiling bunnies on the stove scary. here’s a tip to you so-called men who can only talk to women online: don’t start shit with a woman who’s gonna call you on it! you fucking fuckwads!!!!!!   wow. i feeler better now.   [at least i got 2 great posts from that fucker]



    • greengrowsdark 1:58 am on November 26, 2013 Permalink | Reply


    • Matthew A Bennett 12:20 am on November 26, 2013 Permalink | Reply

      I had a difficult time hitting like, since it’s all “men suck!” 🙂 but dammit, I liked reading it, so there you go!

      • ContactRida 10:25 pm on November 26, 2013 Permalink | Reply

        thank you. all men don’t suck, just this one in particular who brought out the ‘all men suck rage’. but i do think it is telling that a man can write about how women are crazy and get hundreds of hits, comments and likes. but a female writes about how men suck, and she is ignored. for me it is a testament to the double standard in this culture. it clearly can’t be that i have poor writing skills;) heheh…

  • ContactRida 11:59 pm on November 24, 2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , Rolling Stones, , time is on my side   

    time is on my side 

    time stood watch as she emerged
    from the unwelcome womb.
    it counted every second
    of gloom and doom.
    it kept careful tally
    of each indignity.
    no matter how small,
    it witnessed each deed.
    it saw her pain,
    saw how much she wept.
    it wanted to soothe her
    each night as she slept.
    time whispered in her ear
    one night as she lay,
    “i will always protect you
    until your dying day.
    i will keep you youthful,
    i will keep you strong.
    there will come a time
    when your happiness will be lifelong.”
    she stirred one night,
    many winters passed by.
    she gazed in the mirror
    and to her surprise,
    she felt loved, she felt
    safe, she felt joy for the first time.
    she finally believed
    her life would be sublime.
    time looked on
    until the day she died,
    time kept its promise,
    it never left her side.
    time stood watch
    as she was reborn.
    this time it promised
    she would never be forlorn.
    it kept its promise
    although she died at age ten,
    she never knew a day of sadness,
    she never knew a day of pain.
    time keeps watch over all of us,
    it knows the final score.
    time closes every window.
    time opens every door.
    time is always on your side
    even when you feel abandoned.
    time will always emerge as promised,
    back on your side once again.


    • mailshahidul 1:34 am on November 25, 2013 Permalink | Reply

      thank you

  • ContactRida 11:59 pm on November 23, 2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: African-American Civil Rights Movement (1955–1968), Catholic Church, , Crime, Penn State, price, Rape, Sex Offenses, , Walmart   

    how much for that child? 

    we all like to think there are things we would never do. that there would never be a price that could entice our compliance. i think otherwise. my boyfriend became my ex because he said he would rape a child for 10 million dollars. yes it was a hypothetical, but for me, he crossed the line. there are those things which i would not even fathom in my mind in exchange for money or other fulfilled desire. that my ex said he would, with such unapologetic ease, brought bile to the top of my throat. would i push a child off a cliff? hell yes. i have been to Walmart. but i would never commit such a vile act of rape against a child, or man or woman. in times of  slavery or the civil rights era, many reprehensible things were done to children and people for sport. i think if i were of such time, and i were of the ‘elite’ race, i would be the same person i am today. i swim against the current and tend to burn bridges with
    reckless abandonment. what about world peace? no. i would not rape anyone for world peace. the world would just have to stay fucked. flip same coin. what would you give up to save a life from a fate worse than death? i like to think i could give up my life in exchange for a child never experiencing that type of horror. i like to think i would be noble when put to the test. i try to put myself in the minds of those at Penn State, Catholic church, etc. why did they keep silent? why did they choose self-preservation instead of swimming against the current? the only answer i have found is that they had a mental flaw. the flaw of not rocking the boat.
    think about all of the times you have played along to get along. what is it in you that makes you yearn to belong, even in the face of moral upheaval? i ask because it will help me understand why i crave solitude, or why i place myself in the middle of, or very front of conflict. like Alice in Wonderland, i tumble down the rabbit hole of self-discovery. perhaps i seek like minds on my journey…

  • ContactRida 11:59 pm on November 22, 2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Decomposition, Ice cream, Necrosis, Odor   

    necrotic tissue 

    in this age of rampant diabetes and increased elder care, working in the health care profession, she knew she would inevitably encounter necrotic tissue more than once. but she did not realize  the extent of the all consuming odor of rotting flesh, and where it would lead her.

    at the tail end of  her cataclysmic break-up, she refused to put the ice cream back in the freezer. he had a knack of leaving things on the kitchen counter for her to place back into the fridge. this time, she left it out. the black box of breyer’s vanilla ice cream sat on the counter for several days in an unconditioned kitchen with intense southern light exposure. he managed a small tavern, so he slept there at closings. no need for him to come home. so there it continued to sit. the stench growing stronger than her hatred of the man; its repugnant smell became another presence in the house that once was a home. by the sixth day, she could tolerate it no more, but instead of destroying and disposing of it, she placed it in the fridge, not the freezer. in her mind, she could still win this battle of the irrational wills. so there the ice cream sat. it squatted in the fridge for several weeks, until they finally became civil to one another. whether it was due to the stench, or the exhaustion of fighting, she didn’t know. she removed the foul creature from its unwelcome home. she doused the fridge with ammonia, but the decrepit scent still lingered.

    that scent re-emerged with a fierce vengeance, when she treated her first patient diagnosed with necrotic tissue. also emerging, memories of her failed marriage. she observed, as the specialist excised the rotting flesh with a fine scalpel. she had an epiphany: that which is dead, must be removed so healthy tissue can regrow and thrive once more. if the dead tissue is allowed to fester, it will destroy not only the surrounding tissues and organs, but it will eventually kill the host. such is the same in bad relationships. not slicing out the slough, can destroy you. she knew at that moment, that she had made the right decision in excising him from her life. he needed to be sliced out permanently, so that she could regrow again and thrive once more.

  • ContactRida 11:59 pm on November 21, 2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Akeelah and the Bee, , Frederick Douglass, Marianne Williamson   

    our deepest fear 


    [From Akeelah and the Bee, quoting Marianne Williamson or Frederick Douglass]
    “Akeelah: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
    Dr. Larabee: Does that mean anything to you?
    Akeelah: I don’t know.
    Dr. Larabee: It’s written in plain English. What does it mean?
    Akeelah: That I’m not supposed to be afraid?
    Dr. Larabee: Afraid of what?
    Akeelah: Afraid of… me?”

    while in therapy several years ago I watched the above movie and have never forgotten this quote. we all have greatness inside of us, we just need to step out of our own way, and let our light shine.



  • ContactRida 9:50 pm on November 20, 2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Energy, good vs. evil, , sober, sobriety,   

    30 days sober 

    she could not remember the exact day, so she chose 30 days ago. she
    had been sober for 30 days. 30 days free from sustained negative thoughts.
    30 days free from preparing for the worst. 30 days free from doubting her worth.
    30 days free from not achieving her true potential. without realizing it,
    she had freed herself from… herself.
    she is now free to choose to be happy, free to see the little joys of life that
    were always right in front of her, always there waiting to be grasped.
    waiting for her to accept the one unconditional gift. the gift of knowing
    that there is more good in the universe than evil. evil is the squeaky wheel.
    but good, good is eternal, it can never be created or destroyed, it just is.
    it is that cool, gentle breeze on a steamy summer’s night. it is that door
    held open for you although you are many, many steps away. it is that ‘Like’
    to your post you thought might be too abstract. these little moments of joy add up,
    they are cumulative, they live in perpetuity.
    she is now free to do the math.
    she has counted 30 days of joy…

  • ContactRida 9:16 pm on November 19, 2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Daryl, first contact, Game of Thrones, Janeway, Kirk vs. Picard, Michonne, , romance, Star Trek, StrikeBack: Origins,   

    first contact: online chat with Van 

    Van:  Thanks. Do you watch The Walking Dead. I love those boots btw.

    Nov 18, 2013 – 5:55pm

    Van:  I’ll hold the homeless person down while you step on them. Just buy something with a heel.

    Nov 18, 2013 – 5:59pm

    Rida:  yeah i watch walking dead, was good epi last nite. heels would be good for smashing soft walker skulls.

    Nov 18, 2013 – 6:08pm

    Van:  Ummm that would be HOT. I like this season better than last. They’re defiantly developing the characters more.

    Nov 18, 2013 – 7:40pm

    Rida:  if only they could give Rick a spine, that would be nice. i was pissed he kicked Carol out of the group. rick (andrew lincoln) is also in Strikeback: Origins. i don’t care for him there either. i wonder if on WD, if the gov’nor has changed. i wanted him dead, but the new Brian had redeeming qualities.

    Nov 18, 2013 – 7:47pm

    Van:  Agreed on several points. I really try to like Rick…however he makes many decisions that piss me off. However as I analyze it…I guess it’s part of good writing. If you made every decision correct…it would be boring. I think when Carol returns she will see Daryl and Mishone are a couple. I didn’t agree with Carol either. I understand the thought process but I would’ve at least let them change first…in a locked cell. The character development reminds me of Lost…nobody is all good or evil. At first I thought the Governor was feeding the zombies and slowly dwindling the prisons resources…now I’m not so sure. Anyway I’d love to chat. (#given)

    Nov 18, 2013 – 8:08pm

    Rida:  that half-retarded girl is feeding the walkers. she sees them as pets. i’m on Team Carol, an ounce of prevention is worth a lb of cure. she probably did wait as long as she could, they were infectious. it’s a moot point now since the fences are almost gone along with most of the prison pop. Daryl could have any chick he wants with that redneck sex appeal he’s got going. i liked Lost until they turned the whole thing into a dream before death story. i was so pissed. i’ll have to hold off calling for now. i have to write an entry for my blog. and no, i can’t share my site. it’s private:)

    Nov 18, 2013 – 8:21pm

    Van:  Roflmao I think the half retarded girl is doing it also BUT that’s such an EASY guess…they’ve got to do better. Yes LOST me also. I’d have kept Carol and said goodbye Tyree. He’s a liability. I’m also enjoying Game of Thrones. Anyway call whenever you like.

    Nov 18, 2013 – 8:35pm

    Rida:  you had to go to Games of Thrones. stop killing the Starks!!!!! who’s left but the bastard Snow and the boy/girl.

    Nov 18, 2013 – 8:36pm

    Van:  I’m yours….

    Nov 18, 2013 – 8:52pm

    Van:  That dumb ass snow letting her shoot his ass with arrows.

    Nov 18, 2013 – 9:06pm

    Rida:  haha. but they had such a passionate love affair. he accepted the arrows as penance for breaking her heart, arrows (cupid), well that’s my take of it. guess i’m a romantic, just don’t buy me a bow n arrow:) or a sharp set of knives.

    Nov 18, 2013 – 9:09pm

    Van:  Damn maybe a slap on the face…but to take a few arrows…a tad extreme. Did you know they dated in real life and just recently broke up.

    Nov 18, 2013 – 9:17pm

    Rida:  all of the actors sample the product. it’s a working hazard.

    Nov 18, 2013 – 9:18pm

    Van:  Roflmao. You’re hilarious. Sample the product.

    Nov 18, 2013 – 9:31pm

    Rida:  it’s true. it’s the only profession where you can cheat on your partner on camera, in front of witnesses and it’s ok, “we’re just acting.” a dentist can’t do that.

    Nov 18, 2013 – 9:37pm

    Van:  Hmmmm maybe I should’ve been an actor, but I guess with consent it’s not cheating. Dentists just get all freaky after you get the gas. Also your view on Snows penance was very astute.

    Nov 18, 2013 – 9:41pm

    Rida:  and your view on consent vs no consent due to gas was kinda creepy, in a way only someone like me would find very funny.

    Nov 18, 2013 – 9:45pm

    Van:  Lmao. YES I guess it could be. However I’m the one that likes being tied up….anyway I’m sooooo glad you found it amusing rather than creepy.

    Nov 18, 2013 – 9:50pm

    Rida:  hahaha. that’s me. i’m so used to getting the “what’s wrong with her?” stare since i say so many dark, dry humorous things that only a nerd/geek would get.

    Nov 18, 2013 – 9:52pm

    Van:  You really don’t look like a nerd. Those boots and legs…no nerd has such

    Nov 18, 2013 – 9:58pm

    Rida:  don’t judge a book by its cover:)

    Nov 18, 2013 – 10:02pm

    Van:  No problem. Are you done blogging?

    Nov 18, 2013 – 10:03pm

    Van:  Which is against the rules…you can’t bring it up…then be secretive. Are you working for NSA?

    Nov 18, 2013 – 10:08pm

    Rida:  yeah. you caught me:) i am so transparent. and yes. i am still blogging in between writing you. i was going to turn it into a gory piece where the female devours the male, but i will make it a love poem.

    Nov 18, 2013 – 10:09pm

    Van:  If the characters are Mantids…it could be both.

    Nov 18, 2013 – 10:15pm

    Rida:  it’s not a mantid. (said in arnold swarz’s voice in kindergarten cop, “it’s not a tumor!”

    Nov 18, 2013 – 10:18pm

    Van:  I’ll use my best Capt Kirk voice…”phasers on stun”

    Nov 18, 2013 – 10:25pm

    Rida:  i’ll use my picard and ‘make it so’

    Nov 18, 2013 – 10:25pm

    Van:  In my ready room number one

    Nov 18, 2013 – 10:29pm

    Rida:  engage.

    Nov 18, 2013 – 10:31pm

    Van:  You are incredible!!! Make it so.

    Nov 18, 2013 – 10:34pm

    Rida:  why don’t i call you and read you my short poem, then end this chat. whats your # again?

    Nov 18, 2013 – 10:35pm

    Van: (#given again) Van

    ps: at which point we talked over the phone until 1am. we are planning a date for friday. fingers crossed. happythankyoumoreplease:)

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