DONE LYING TO MYSELF

In the beginning, nothing but warmth and praise.

You gave me everything, so much to amaze.

I never doubted you then, you never gave me pause.

No reason to disbelieve, you never gave me cause.

 

Then came correction, then came the blame.

You said I did nothing right, I had to be tamed.

I thought it was me, maybe I couldn’t learn

The right way to please you, so not to be burned.

 

Time used to be endless, now I feel each second pass.

Counting the moments, wishing each was the last.

Don’t know how much I can take. Don’t know how long I can hold on.

I need resurrection. I need us to be done.

 

Not even one foot in the door, I know what you will say.

No appreciation, no respect for me this day.

Everything is done with precision and done with care.

You stopped noticing. I don’t question. I don’t dare.

 

The same apologies, look at what I made you do.

Then come those same raised hands, this time to love me true.

What goes on in your mind each time I cry out?

What don’t I fulfill? What makes your rage come about?

 

Time used to be endless, now I feel each second pass.

Counting the moments, wishing each was the last.

Don’t know how much I can take. Don’t know how long I can hold on.

I need resurrection. I need us to be done.

 

I want to believe each time will be the last.

Go back to those blissful days, the days of the past.

When I could do no wrong in your eyes.

When I was your treasure, your prize.

 

Done lying to myself thinking that you will change.

I’m making plans to leave, plans to be estranged.

Can’t let you know when my new life will begin.

For if you knew, you would see me to my end.

 

I have nothing to lose now but flesh and bone.

But you won’t take my spirit. No that’s mine alone.

Don’t try to find me, you did this to yourself.

You never honored your promises in sickness and in health.

 

Time used to be endless, now I feel each second pass.

Counting the moments, wishing each was the last.

Don’t know how much I can take. Don’t know how long I can hold on.

I need resurrection. I need us to be done.

QMK, Work in Progress… © 2013