do they know

Sitting through administrative orientation this week has been challenging. In fact, it is shitty because I am the only one who has nursing experience (3 yrs) but the three new hires are all fresh from graduation with all of their book knowledge. Their faces are shiny and pretty and they are just perky little sponges. When I don’t know an answer to the preceptor’s question , or worse, I give the totally wrong answer to a fairly simple question like diabetes, I feel stupid.

Do they know how hard I worked over the past 3 years? Do they know how crazy parents are when their kids are sick and I have to be the rock? Do they know I’ve had to work in homes that had cockroaches and I had to pre-treat my shoes and canvas bags with roach repellant so I wouldn’t take any critters home? Do they know I had to work both day and night shifts, often in the same week and sometimes back to back to keep a shift covered? Do they know how I had to listen to vicious family arguments over and over again and ignore them and focus only on my patient while the whole house was is total chaos? Do they know that the man I was going to marry, dumped me 3 weeks after he came back home from Iraq, dumped me after I wrote him everyday for 9 months, dumped me after I had an IUD inserted into my virgin cervix because he didn’t want kids, dumped me right before nursing school started? Do they know I was nearly kicked out of nursing school at mid point because I didn’t have the money to continue paying for it, that I didn’t study for my finals over Christmas break because I wasn’t going to return anyway, that I received a scholarship in the 11th hour to keep me in school, and that I missed graduating with honors by 0.07 points because I got D’s on the tests I didn’t study for? Do they know I have a degree in PoliSci and a Law degree, and was totally clueless in nursing school since it was all Sanskrit to me, but I had to triple focus because I had ADHD but couldn’t get meds for it since my diagnosis for it was in 1994 and the medical office had destroyed all of those files? Do they know that I hate working days since all of my really good writing comes at 5am and I have to put a clock on my ass to finish each post by 11:59pm so I don’t miss a day writing?

They don’t know any of that. All they know is that I give a wrong answer or I don’t know an answer. I wish these shiny-smiling-faced new grads good luck. I know that none of them could have handled what I experienced and still be completely fucking awesome. So fuck them. I’m not going to have all of the answers all of the time, but at least I have experience that will propel me even further in my career.

I feel much better now:) happythankyoumoreplease!