very much dead inside

i have those thoughts
thoughts the average soul does not have
thoughts dark and simple
thoughts skewed by my past

a past forever entwined with present
but a future disconnected
no thoughts venture there
far too many walls erected

thoughts linger on my conception
wishing it had never been
preferring blade to fetus
than living with what is within

progeny of a demon
is the skin that covers me
leaving half a soul void of light
absent regret and conscience free

such dark thoughts i secret
they come and go with the breeze
leave me feeling satiated
i never resist they flow with ease

what determines the border
between that of horror and beauty
what if the two are identical
fulfilling desire so equally

i share these thoughts with no one
for who could understand
that there is no turmoil
when i travel to that forbidden land

there is peace and rapture
in that place of malevolence
no fear no pain
only the truth hangs in the balance

truth that these dark thoughts
which i harbor deep inside
the truth that this darkness
leaves me very much dead inside