i wanna get physical physical

Since I stopped eating meat for March (or Lent as someone asked me), I have lost about 9 pounds but I’m pretty sure that’s mainly recently freed fecal matter in my large intestines and excess body fluid. Do I feel better? I don’t know. It’s only been a month. I have stopped craving sweets, but maybe that’s because I’ve been drinking hot chocolate with Bailey’s Irish Cream, and also sweet red wine.

I do notice the sweet more so in fruit and have become addicted to broccoli (why broccoli, no clue), but I’ve been browsing Dr. Oz’ site since he has trusting, sincere eyes. So I may try this rapid weight loss thing he’s promoting, though a body should only lose 2lbs a week, blah, blah… http://www.doctoroz.com/episode/dr-ozs-two-week-rapid-weight-loss-diet

Five Easy Steps to Rapid Weight Loss:

1) get rid of wheat (ok)

2) get rid of artificial sweeteners (not a big fan anyway)

3) get rid of sugars and alcohol (not gonna happen. what’s next?)

4) no more coffee (not a prob, not a coffee drinker.)

5) give up dairy (n-word what?!? another ‘not gonna happen’) and replace with greek yogurt (again, what?)

Now Dr. Oz goes into what you CAN eat which is probably saliva, crab grass and fingernail clippings:

1) start each day with hot water and 1/2 lemon (guess i can’t make a hot Toddy.)

2) make a breakfast smoothie: combined unsweetened vanilla almond milk, 1/2cup of frozen berries, 1/2 banana, 2tbsp rice protein powder, and 2tbsp of flaxseed powder, and blend (so where would i get rice and flaxseed powder? wait. where would i get a blender?)

Things you can have on this 2 week wonder diet:

1) greek yogurt

2) 6oz of protein

3) 1/2 cup of brown rice

4) organic green tea

5) oil & avocado

6) nuts, hummus and pickles

(ok. this whole list just sucks serious balls. who wants to eat that totally bland, taste-deficient crap? not me.)

But wait. There’s more: unlimited low-glycemic veggie consumption. (yaye)

Final step: add probiotics & nutrients to speed up weight loss (those things don’t sound tasty.)

The full program: http://www.doctoroz.com/slideshow/dr-ozs-2-week-rapid-weight-loss-plan-instructions

I’m thinking this diet probably isn’t for me. I will see how much weight I lose when I add fish and brown rice to my diet and reduce juice and substitute with green tea. Will let you know of my success (or failure) in May. Until then, let’s get physical baby: