Updates from April, 2014 Toggle Comment Threads | Keyboard Shortcuts

  • ContactRida 3:57 am on April 30, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Brad Pitt, brain damage, Fight Club, , , Pixies   

    Dain Bramage 

    Hey. Yeah it’s me. We seem to keep missing each other. I know you are terribly busy making over a trillion connections a second but if I could have your ear… ha…funny. Our ear. Anyway, it has come to my attention that you and I are not on the same page on a few things. No. No. I am not criticizing you. You are magnificent on most days- Ok. Wait, stop. Yes, I do know you process billions, sorry, trillions of bits of data in a nanosecond.

    You are the most efficient machine, most efficient organic miracle of a machine which all of the stars in the heavens cannot begin to rival. Yes, you’re welcome. All I’m saying is that… that sometimes… wait. Here’s an example of how awesome you are. I love it when I go to the grocery store and pick up orange juice for no apparent reason and 24 hours later I feel a cold coming on. I know. I know. You knew before I did that a cold was coming. Incredible. And I love how I think I’m lost sometimes and I turn left or right for no good reason and I end up where I’m supposed to be. Yeah. I always knew that business about a bit of magnetic North in our nose was urban legend. You have a photographic memory unknown to me and sometimes I accidentally tap into it.

    Wish I could tap into it all of the time but that’s another conversation. Again, I’m sorry, I’ll get to the point. Uh… I’ve noticed, and stop me if I’m wrong, but I’ve noticed that you are perhaps off-sync with some of my bodily functions. Yes… those. Funny you should say that. Yes, shit does indeed happen. But does it have to happen as soon as I finish taking a shower? The warm water? Umm…but you do it when I’m about to leave the house and I’m all dressed and running late. When have I ever shit myself? Ok! Ok! Ok! When have I ever shit myself in the car? Fine! When have I ever shit myself in the car as a full grown adult? Never. Thank you.

    All I’m saying is that you’re off-sync and not just with the pooh business. My point is my period, my menses. I am aware I am getting older and I’m sorta now on a 56 day cycle instead of 28, but this isn’t the first time my girlfriend has visited at suspect times. Like now for example. What’s wrong with now? Now doesn’t work for me now! I still have one more final to go. See that’s just it. I don’t KNOW that I will do great. Perhaps you are privy to all of the secrets of the universe, but I don’t know- Funny. Yes. I was about to say shit. Yes I see where I get my humor from… anyway, I’m still really stressed and this bloody, yes, haha, this bloody business could have waited until after that last final. Stop saying that! I don’t know I will pass.

    You know what? How come when I was at Target 3 days ago, you didn’t bother to tell me to get toilet paper? You knew I was out of it and you knew you were sending a period my way. Where was the head’s up on that one? Lead a horse to water? So, let me get this straight… when you sent me down that aisle I was supposed to know to buy it? You know I only buy Cottonelle and only when it’s on sale, and it wasn’t on sale 3 days ago. Ok. First I’m a horse, now I’m a stubborn mule, thank you, nice. Could I at least evolve into a creature with opposable thumbs please. No. Perhaps you are the funnier one.

    Ok. Riddle me this Joker. Could you please tell me why instead of waking me up to pee, you give me dream after dream that I am peeing? But that’s just it! I don’t wake up because I think I’m already awake and peeing! Do you not see the insaneness of it all? The dream cannot be the wake up! One time you had me pressing on my bladder in the dream to pee but I was actually in real life pressing on my bladder and I did wet myself. Yes I woke up! I woke up because I just pissed myself!

    You know what? I can see you are not taking me seriously and yes I am pissed off, haha, you made another funny. I’m not laughing though. This was a bad idea. Yes. Yes it was. Please. Please. Make a mental- Yes mental. Make a mental note of what I am doing and when I am doing it. Please process the data and extrapolate whether or not it would be a good idea for that particular bodily function to occur at that particular time. I am sure in all of your infinite wisdom, you will make the appropriate choice. Agreed? Nice. Gas. I will take that as a yes.


    photo credit: http://www.revolutionmyspace.com/image-code-1/fight_club

  • ContactRida 4:20 am on April 23, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Spring Break   

    No stars for you! 


    Dear Trip Advisor:

    When you rated this hotel as the epicenter of live music you forgot to mention your definition of live. Just because the musicians happen to be breathing does not qualify as live. Yes, I am sure papa Geppetto and son are a great hit with the 50 and over post-menopausal-cougar-how Stella got her groove back-crowd, but for a hot pack of hotties on Spring Break, this hotel was an epic FAIL! A week after we got back on campus someone sent me a box of Geritol and some Depends. So thanks Trip Advisor for ruining my life.


    photo credit: Bjรถrn Rudberg


  • ContactRida 4:41 pm on April 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: 100 words,   

    be careful what you wish for 


    I have many names. I sense your true desires, they nourish me. Today my name is Hawaiian Legends. You look at me and whisper, โ€œI wish it could be just you and me today you naughty vixen.โ€ You awaken me as you cloak yourself in my seductive web. You desire naughty? Try nautical. As my copper helmet materializes upon your shoulders, all you gaze upon, crumples and vanishes. I take your wife first. Your children run screaming but you rush to them unknowingly. When they are gone, it will be just you and me today. โ€œYour wish is my command.โ€


    photo credit: Douglas M. MacIlroy

  • ContactRida 9:59 am on April 11, 2014 Permalink | Reply

    chill mahn 

    In response to: Daily Prompt‘s Have You Never Been Mellow?ย  After a long day at work or school, what are your favorite ways to wind down and decompress?

    I just sent an email to my professor requesting a one week extension on the final. I figure it doesn’t hurt to ask. I have yet to sleep since completing 2 very short essays for my teaching class. I have to instruct nursing students next week about bullying and for my assessment class, I have an online quiz plus I have to perform satisfactorily a pelvic, breast and rectal exam on a patient. And oh, did I mention, I go to work tonight 11p-7a and the next day 3p-7a (a double). Nice.

    So how do I relax? I relax by writing. But when my life interrupts my writing, it becomes stressful. I have read that life is not an interruption but writing material. For me it IS an interruption because I have experienced 4-5 lifetimes of living in my one compact life. So I relax by keeping my life (proverbial hounds at the door) simple and minimalistic: have a tiny number of good friends, get 8 hours of sleep at least 3 nights a week,ย  and release my dark side in a constructive, creative way.ย  And a glass of red moscato doesn’t hurt:)


    photo credit: http://www.studyabroaddomain.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Jamaica.jpg


  • ContactRida 6:17 am on April 9, 2014 Permalink | Reply

    where is my mind? 


    She was everything I was not: beautiful, blonde, scintillating. Me the introvert, the geek, the ugly duckling who made her look and feel the perfect 10. She got sloppy drunk. I carried her home, yet again. This time she slurred, “You are so lucky nobody notices you.” The La Mercรจ Festival in Barcelona was in full swing with fireworks, indulgence, and gaiety. She bent over and began to vomit in a corner. The sequined leather dog collar she wore, glistened in the moonlight. I pulled it taut around her neck until she was motionless. “Yes. I am lucky nobody notices me.”


    photo credit: DLovering

  • ContactRida 4:07 am on April 8, 2014 Permalink | Reply

    oh your words… 

    your words bathe me in orgasmic ecstasy
    part my willing thighs with verse
    moisten my hidden treasure with metrics
    you penetrate the deepest with your poetry
    my back arches
    i moan YOUR name
    i am insatiable
    for every word you forge
    speak to me tonight
    make me

    photo credit: contactrida


  • ContactRida 11:17 am on April 5, 2014 Permalink | Reply


    Weather the storm. Iโ€™ll go tonight.

    Fire in my belly. Timeโ€™s right.

    Painโ€™s intense. I grit my teeth.

    Pleasure abounds now that itโ€™s complete.

    Inked flesh. Eternal homage to whimsical.

    Purple dragonfly. Life must be lyrical.




    photo credit: http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=free+pics+of+purple++tattoos&qs=n&form=QBIR&pq=free+pics+of+purple+tattoos&sc=1-27&sp=-1&sk=#view=detail&id=514E69FBF5F9E0A800A15840922483FDE8B96EAE&selectedIndex=113

    • Adam Ickes 8:17 am on April 7, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I like the line “Painโ€™s intense. I grit my teeth.” It could mean so many things, but at the same time you get a sense of what is happening.

    • Karuna 11:47 am on April 5, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I love your poem. The imagery in both the words and the picture is powerful and beautiful.

  • ContactRida 8:24 am on April 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

    lights camera… 


    The first time, I vomited. The second time, I cried myself to sleep. The third time, I took enough xanax and vodka to not feel. Every other time after that didn’t matter because I was dead inside. I smile. I giggle. I laugh. I make you believe I love this. I make you believe this is harmless fun. When you watch me, do you wonder if I had dreams? Do you wonder what put me here, on this set? I wonder why you watch. I feel sorry for your loneliness, your secret depravity. Know I matter. Know I had dreams.

    photo credit: Kent Bonham



    • patriciaruthsusan 7:48 am on April 7, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Good story with great emotional description. Maybe I’m wrong but this felt like unwilling “porn actor” to me. This was too strong for ordinary stage fright. Well done.

    • Nan Falkner 6:17 am on April 7, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Dear Rida, Know I care – this is great! Thanks! Nan

    • Sarah Ann 5:13 am on April 7, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Very powerful. A great glimpse inside the actor’s head.

    • Snow's Fissures and Fractures 6:16 pm on April 5, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Cuts to the bone….beautiful piece.

    • Bjรถrn Rudberg (brudberg) 2:57 pm on April 5, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      This I really really liked.. this can work to describe a stage-fright but I think it works even better as a metaphor for life itself… are we all drugged to face the blackness…?

      • ContactRida 10:56 am on April 6, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        wow. thank you. the good thing about a great story is that it will take you wherever you wish to go.

    • Hala J. 12:41 pm on April 5, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      This was definitely a punch-in-the-gut kind of story. It gives an impression of ordinary stage fright at first, but soon transforms into something much more sickening, and much more tragic. There is still defiance in your MC’s voice, and for that I have hope that one day, they’ll be able to pursue their dreams again…

    • sustainabilitea 11:38 am on April 5, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      What a sad story! I so want her to be able to get away and start again. Except for the depravity, it made me think of parents who get their little girls involved in all the pageants and things, forcing them to grow up too soon and in an image of what one or both parents want.


    • Mike 8:03 am on April 5, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Courageously open. Kudos ๐Ÿ™‚

    • rochellewisoff 4:37 am on April 5, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Dear ContactRida,

      Ah the masks we wear. We’re all actors, aren’t we?



    • R. E. Hunter 10:34 pm on April 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Yes, very powerfully written. So much left unsaid. Well done.

    • faithsfire 9:30 am on April 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Wow! That is a powerful statement!

  • ContactRida 8:05 am on April 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: crunch time, , panic, stressed out   

    4 more weeks of… 

    I have four more weeks of class, or at least, I hope I have only four. As I have written previously, my academic fate dangles in the balance. I may have to repeat that class this summer. So, thinking of that just made me sleepy. So I slept for most of Tuesday. No. I wasn’t depressed. I just wanted my body to experience unapologetic rest before the shit-storm of:
    no sleep,
    attempted daily studying,
    some writing,
    non-stop double shift working every weekend,
    one day of teaching students,
    waiting for my GM car to blow up since the engine light is always on now, did I mention I just took it to the dealership to have the ‘check engine light’ problem repaired,
    and continue my diet,
    do my taxes,
    correction, start my taxes,
    and stretch my back on my yoga ball because I think I’m getting a hunch back from leaning over my patients’ beds,
    plus deal with my mother who said she wanted to move, which means I will have to finance that,
    and text with this guy I’ve known for over three years, whom I’ve never kissed or held hands with, but I would like to marry some day,
    but ok with the idea of being forever single since I unofficially married myself to me a day ago,
    since I will never leave me,
    and will always provide for me
    and keep me safe,
    and love me unconditionally.

    So. You can see why I slept all day Tuesday:)
    photo credit: http://www1.free-clipart.net/gallery2/clipart/Business/Cartoons/Time_Running_Out.jpg

    • Dawn 7:58 pm on April 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Hang in there girl. All this craziness WILL eventually end. Take naps every chance you get, drink wine every chance you get and don’t let the stress get the best of you! …keep me posted on this guy…I want to know more ๐Ÿ™‚

      • ContactRida 2:07 am on April 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        Hey lovely lady! I”ve been thinking of you lately. nothing serious, just wondering how life is with you. tick tock for me. i really don’t want to repeat this class but see it as an opportunity to be better, but really don’t want it to happen. how are your little ones? i keep getting asked at work if i have any kids. um no. “oh don’t worry, you have time.” i just let those statements go and say ‘yeah’. weird. people keep trying to put babies in me. this guy, Andrew, whom i have known for over 3 years, is an anomaly, but very interesting. i invited him to vegas, so we shall see. your invite is still open as well:)

        • Dawn 5:16 pm on April 5, 2014 Permalink | Reply

          Yeah that whole strangers putting babies in you is just kind of odd. Why do people say that, “you still have time”. …as if it never occurred to people that maybe you don’t even want kids. Not saying you don’t but, ya know?

          Anywaaaaaay. Kids are good but challenging daily. The little guy is testing me lately…my sister says I have the patience of a saint because his non-stop demands for what-the-hell ever are relentless. The four yr old is about to turn in to a five year old and proves she is way too mature for her age daily. It’s literately mind blowing. I’m good I suppose. I’m not writing like I used to but I’m ok with it I suppose. It’s frustrating but I think I just went so full board in that I burned out a little. It’s ok…Momma will get her groove back.

          And vegas…ahhhh vegas!

          • ContactRida 11:47 am on April 6, 2014 Permalink | Reply

            several thoughts: as your girl is wiser than her years, are we born who we will become? nature vs nurture. the more i live, the more i lean towards nature. what if monsters and angels are born, not shaped? what if…

            mojo: being that i need time to absorb your work, i haven’t noticed any change in your writing, but i haven’t been reading your work in the past week or two. no slight on you, i’ve just got time to Like pics and limericks:) maybe you are looking too hard at your work. maybe you are too close. maybe you are wrong…

            womb: there is something about my cervix that everyone wants to put a baby in it. i expect it from family (they have me down as a closet lesbian since all menstruating women in our clan start breeding at 16 and don’t stop until they have great grand kids). but strangers, co-workers, friends, they all want a baby in me. WHAT? it’s hard to envision loving a man so much that i would stop thinking of ‘me’ and start thinking of ‘us’. i am quite selfish and have grown quite fond of the shadow it casts (i’m in a poetic mood:)

            vegas: just say the words Momma!

    • http://theenglishprofessoratlarge.com 10:49 am on April 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I applaud your marrying yourself. I made that same decision years after my divorce when I realized that I didn’t want to re-marry, that I was perfectly content with myself. Don’t stress about the class. If other areas in your life are troublesome, you can always lose yourself for a couple of hours in studying. Think of it as a small vacation from everything else. Take care.

      • ContactRida 3:19 pm on April 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        thank you. that’s a new way to look at studying:) it just may work…

    • sinnerz13 10:47 am on April 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Deary me! A train crash of thoughts!

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