Updates from July, 2014 Toggle Comment Threads | Keyboard Shortcuts

  • ContactRida 1:45 pm on July 6, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: C'est la vie, that's life   

    C'est la vie 

    She stared at the screen, eyes blood shot red, spine spasming, and thought, “I don’t have it in me. I can’t create with my tank on Empty.” She had worked 14 straight nights. Sunday would be her first day off. Or so she thought. “Could you cover this Sunday? I hate to ask but we are short.” begged the supervisor. She had put in for a transfer on the 9th night but Corporate denied the request. She was also embroiled in a CNA suspension whom she reported sleeping, “Could you please give another statement as to how many times you saw the aide sleeping and what you did to intervene?” questioned the Director of Nursing in a seemingly innocuous office email. The Company had already settled in two lawsuits of negligent death, now there’s Sleep-Gate.

    “Good morning beautiful,” texted Brian. She had no clue who he was. Maybe from OKCupid. Maybe from that dance club last summer. She didn’t know and had no interest putting any thought into it. “Hi. I’m headed to the gym,” she lied, “talk to you soon,” another lie. She wondered why he kept texting her, “Because you have no interest in him.” she answered aloud.

    But she also had no interest in sex, “The longer I go without sex, the longer I can go without sex.” she remembered saying to her therapist. She didn’t  even have interest in self-pleasure. But her body told another story. When counting narcs with Remi, the half Egyptian, half Russian male nurse, she felt a heavy moisture between her legs, “Great. Just what I need. My period.” she grimaced to herself. When she went to the bathroom to survey the damage, she found clear slippery fluid instead. It seems standing next to an attractive man made her body prepare for an act that was never going to come (tongue in cheek).

    So she sits and writes with no particular purpose, other than to say, “I am still here. Battered but still here.”

    jeff pics

  • ContactRida 6:00 am on June 1, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , invention   

    open letter to Professor Rogers 

    When I woke up on Friday, you did not exist. My world seemed large, my opportunities seemed limitless. I woke up and all was possible. I had just finished my shift. I was more than ever convinced bedside nursing was not for me. Long term care has become a last stop for unmanageable mentally ill patients, from Alzheimer’s to schizophrenia. It’s become increasingly hard to notice a change in condition when the baseline is always manic.

    Now was the time to start working on my invention. I had seen too many patients with red streaks on their arms from the blood pressure cuff; heard too many complaints that the cuff hurts; wasted so much time getting vitals on patients because there’s only one machine and it constantly malfunctions. “This can’t be the state of healthcare in America,” I thought.

    I thought about something that could measure vitals without the bruises, without the pain, without the wait. A patch. A vitals check patch. OK. I named it. I conquered the first few steps of an idea. The next step: run a search to see if it already exists. That step took weeks because I didn’t want to know. Didn’t want all of my dreams dashed. Didn’t want to know I had missed the boat again.

    So Friday I searched. Friday I found you. Ever get that sinking feeling in your stomach when an elevator first takes off? Multiply that by 100. That’s what I felt: gutted. And it’s not like you beat me by a few weeks. You beat me by several years. And just like that, my world became small again, I became nobody, just another working stiff embodying the words of a Paul Simon song, slip slidin’ away.

    Why should you care? Why should I, out of the tens of thousands who contact you, be relevant? I can’t answer that for you. I can only tell you that this was going to be ‘it’ for me. A product of rape, coming from poverty, winning a four year scholarship, getting a degree in Political Science, then Law, practicing as a criminal defense attorney for a year, quitting, becoming a massage therapist, then completing an accelerated 12 month nursing program to achieve my BSN and now working on my Masters to become a FNP, and most likely getting my Doctorate in Nursing before I die, plus taking violin lessons and learning French this summer, why should I be relevant to you?

    I have no engineering background, no mathematical genius. Business acumen? Perhaps. Being knee deep in healthcare does give me an advantage, an insight your developers may not have. But this is what I know to be true: on Friday you did not exist. Today you do. But today, you now know I exist. I can’t help but believe that makes me somewhat relevant to you.


  • ContactRida 11:58 pm on May 8, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: bully, no call no show, nurses eat their young, , , Supervisors   

    no call no show 

    Yet another reason to work for myself:

    I get a call at 11pm from a number I do not recognize. I was looking up scripture for an idea for Friday Fictioneers so I just let it ring. I listen to the message and it’s work, “Are you running late? Give us a call.” What? I’m off. I signed my official schedule last week. But because I have a strong work ethic, I call in to clear up the confusion. Or so I thought.

    To my surprise the snippy supervisor says to me that because I called in she wouldn’t put me down as a no call no show. What?! Because the scheduler made a mistake I’m at fault!? “It’s your responsibility to look at the schedule which I put up! You should have seen your name on the daily schedule and brought it to my attention!”

    “So why sign an official schedule with Lori?” I ask. “I have nothing to do with that. You should have seen your name on the daily schedule I put up.” “I’ve never had to look at a daily schedule since I always knew when I worked. So I’ve just been lucky since I’ve been working there?” To which she snaps, “Yes. I guess so.” Then she continues her tirade and says she’s wasting her time talking to me because now she has to be the nurse, since I’m not coming in.

    I guess she expected me to say mea culpa and comply. Fuck that! It’s your mistake not mine. That’s why you are the supervisor. Fire me. Good luck with finding someone to replace me working 11p-7a. Now go be the nurse and see how easy it is to care for 50 patients. Good luck with that sincerely.

    I just finished my last final on Monday and I’ve started reading the first of two entrepreneur books. I’m not angry right now. I’m determined to use that supervisor’s tirade as fuel to light the fire under my ass to move quicker at starting my own business (more like invention/product). The funny thing is when I graduate and pass my boards, that little troll will be taking orders from me. Karma’s a bitch and so am I:)

  • ContactRida 8:05 am on April 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: crunch time, , panic, stressed out   

    4 more weeks of… 

    I have four more weeks of class, or at least, I hope I have only four. As I have written previously, my academic fate dangles in the balance. I may have to repeat that class this summer. So, thinking of that just made me sleepy. So I slept for most of Tuesday. No. I wasn’t depressed. I just wanted my body to experience unapologetic rest before the shit-storm of:
    no sleep,
    attempted daily studying,
    some writing,
    non-stop double shift working every weekend,
    one day of teaching students,
    waiting for my GM car to blow up since the engine light is always on now, did I mention I just took it to the dealership to have the ‘check engine light’ problem repaired,
    and continue my diet,
    do my taxes,
    correction, start my taxes,
    and stretch my back on my yoga ball because I think I’m getting a hunch back from leaning over my patients’ beds,
    plus deal with my mother who said she wanted to move, which means I will have to finance that,
    and text with this guy I’ve known for over three years, whom I’ve never kissed or held hands with, but I would like to marry some day,
    but ok with the idea of being forever single since I unofficially married myself to me a day ago,
    since I will never leave me,
    and will always provide for me
    and keep me safe,
    and love me unconditionally.

    So. You can see why I slept all day Tuesday:)
    photo credit: http://www1.free-clipart.net/gallery2/clipart/Business/Cartoons/Time_Running_Out.jpg

    • Dawn 7:58 pm on April 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Hang in there girl. All this craziness WILL eventually end. Take naps every chance you get, drink wine every chance you get and don’t let the stress get the best of you! …keep me posted on this guy…I want to know more 🙂

      • ContactRida 2:07 am on April 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        Hey lovely lady! I”ve been thinking of you lately. nothing serious, just wondering how life is with you. tick tock for me. i really don’t want to repeat this class but see it as an opportunity to be better, but really don’t want it to happen. how are your little ones? i keep getting asked at work if i have any kids. um no. “oh don’t worry, you have time.” i just let those statements go and say ‘yeah’. weird. people keep trying to put babies in me. this guy, Andrew, whom i have known for over 3 years, is an anomaly, but very interesting. i invited him to vegas, so we shall see. your invite is still open as well:)

        • Dawn 5:16 pm on April 5, 2014 Permalink | Reply

          Yeah that whole strangers putting babies in you is just kind of odd. Why do people say that, “you still have time”. …as if it never occurred to people that maybe you don’t even want kids. Not saying you don’t but, ya know?

          Anywaaaaaay. Kids are good but challenging daily. The little guy is testing me lately…my sister says I have the patience of a saint because his non-stop demands for what-the-hell ever are relentless. The four yr old is about to turn in to a five year old and proves she is way too mature for her age daily. It’s literately mind blowing. I’m good I suppose. I’m not writing like I used to but I’m ok with it I suppose. It’s frustrating but I think I just went so full board in that I burned out a little. It’s ok…Momma will get her groove back.

          And vegas…ahhhh vegas!

          • ContactRida 11:47 am on April 6, 2014 Permalink | Reply

            several thoughts: as your girl is wiser than her years, are we born who we will become? nature vs nurture. the more i live, the more i lean towards nature. what if monsters and angels are born, not shaped? what if…

            mojo: being that i need time to absorb your work, i haven’t noticed any change in your writing, but i haven’t been reading your work in the past week or two. no slight on you, i’ve just got time to Like pics and limericks:) maybe you are looking too hard at your work. maybe you are too close. maybe you are wrong…

            womb: there is something about my cervix that everyone wants to put a baby in it. i expect it from family (they have me down as a closet lesbian since all menstruating women in our clan start breeding at 16 and don’t stop until they have great grand kids). but strangers, co-workers, friends, they all want a baby in me. WHAT? it’s hard to envision loving a man so much that i would stop thinking of ‘me’ and start thinking of ‘us’. i am quite selfish and have grown quite fond of the shadow it casts (i’m in a poetic mood:)

            vegas: just say the words Momma!

    • http://theenglishprofessoratlarge.com 10:49 am on April 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I applaud your marrying yourself. I made that same decision years after my divorce when I realized that I didn’t want to re-marry, that I was perfectly content with myself. Don’t stress about the class. If other areas in your life are troublesome, you can always lose yourself for a couple of hours in studying. Think of it as a small vacation from everything else. Take care.

      • ContactRida 3:19 pm on April 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        thank you. that’s a new way to look at studying:) it just may work…

    • sinnerz13 10:47 am on April 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Deary me! A train crash of thoughts!

  • ContactRida 5:50 pm on March 30, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    Thank god for all you've missed 

    It’s so funny how one simple post can smack you upside the head and make you realize how lucky you are and how charmed your life truly is. So props to: http://matthewalanbennett.com/2013/08/19/like-a-wagon-wheel-in-luckenback-tx/

    I may have to repeat my nursing assessment class this summer if I fail it this spring, but it will only make me better at my job. So thank god for all I’ve missed because it led me here to THIS!

    Really listen to the words of Hootie for they are truly profound.

    You just may have a light bulb moment like I did.

    Enjoy & Namaste:)

    • EYHCS 8:20 pm on March 30, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      This is awesome. I just finished scripting my blogs for the week and your post solidifies all the back and forth I was going through. Namaste!

      • ContactRida 2:57 am on March 31, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        thank you and so very happy you see now like you perhaps didn’t see before. so certain your hard work will be so awesome:)

  • ContactRida 12:46 pm on March 22, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , failing class, , , research paper   

    a beautiful mind 


    When I wrote my paper, I believed it to be crap. And no, that wasn’t me being negative. That was me knowing it wasn’t my best work. I felt the paper started with a bang but fizzled in the end since I was pressed for time, needing to get to work.

    But my professor thought it was “beautifully done!”. I got an ‘A’. I currently have 100% in this class. It is a theory/teaching class which involves a lot of writing. So go figure I have an ‘A’ in a writing class. Duh;)  I love to write. BUT, and this is a big but: I have a 75% in my nursing assessment class. WTF?!?

    I can’t seem to get my shit together for this class which involves so much ridiculous memorization and then diagnosing. I spent the past three years NOT diagnosing. I see the question on the test and it asks me to guess what little Jimmy has. How the phuck should I know what little Jimmy has? He either has ebola or he has a cold, I don’t know. Christ! I will fail if I don’t achieve 80%.

    And oh, I just finished an overnight shift where the patient was screaming to call the cops because I wouldn’t give him morphine, oxycontin and valium all at once. That wasted 30 minutes of my time and ALL of my patience. And then there was the CNA who was literally standing next to a patient’s room entering data into the kiosk on the wall while the patient’s call bell was going off. Right beside her! She wouldn’t go into the room until I walked pass her and asked if he was ok. Seriously?

    I really want to quit this job but I’m learning way too much and they are being really flexible with my schedule, and my mistakes. So maybe I will transfer after my vay-kay:) One of the patients said to me this morning. “A lot of people are gonna miss you when you leave.” LOL! “when” not “if”:) He’s one of my favorite patients, a war veteran, loves to curse out people, but the people almost always deserve it.

    So this is my life. I’m teetering on failing a class, with a physical assessment midterm coming up this Monday. So, I can’t seem to get very upset about it since I want to go to medical school anyway. And I really didn’t mean to talk so much about myself, but I haven’t been to therapy in awhile and writing is very therapeutic, sooooooooooo…

    So, short story long, here’s the beautiful paper from a beautiful mind🙂

    Tell Me a Story: The Use of Storytelling in Nursing
    Teaching Strategies
    X University
    School of Nursing

    Learning and teaching are inseparable. Neither can stand alone and neither can operate in a vacuum. Both must be interactive and complement one another. There are several learning theories and many teaching strategies. This paper describes one of many learning theories: cognitive development of socio-cultural historical influences. This paper also identifies one teaching strategy: storytelling. The research findings suggest cognitive development of socio-cultural historical influences and storytelling are interactive as well as complement one another. This paper applies the afore-mentioned learning theory and teaching strategy to andragogy: adult learning. This paper presents multiple literary resources which discuss the various benefits of storytelling in the academic and professional setting and posits the use of storytelling can create better outcomes in nursing education and nursing practice when applied to adult learners.
    Keywords: storytelling in nursing, andragogy, paradigm shift in nursing education

    .Tell Me a Story: The Use of Storytelling in Nursing

    There are several learning theories by which knowledge can be assimilated by nursing students and applied to their nursing practice. One such theory is cognitive development focusing on socio-cultural historical influences. As there are many learning theories, there are various teaching strategies by which to apply each theory. One such strategy is storytelling. The research suggests storytelling aligns with the major tenets of cognitive development of socio-cultural historical influences. This paper explores and examines the afore-mentioned learning theory and teaching strategy as it applies to andragogy: the art of adult learning.

    Literature Review
    Billings and Halstead (2012) describe a learning theory as the foundation that directs the teacher’s mode of instruction to his or her students, “Learning theories focus on how people learn” (p. 206). Billings and Halstead (2012) define the premise of one such learning theory, cognitive development: socio-cultural historical influence: “Learning is interactive and occurs in a social, historical context. Knowledge, ideas, attitudes, and values are developed as a result of relationships with people. Transformative learning occurs through social interactions that are situated in authentic environments” (p. 217).

    This theory involves the sharing of thoughts and ideas between learners. The teacher must have working knowledge of the competing differences and diversities presented by the learners and must also act as facilitator to broach and direct a wide variety of topics. Students have the opportunity to share their experiences from their own unique perspective with other students with differing experiences. This sharing and dialoging creates an environment rich in reflective thought: “Faculty can encourage student identification of the socio-cultural nature of their previous learning through personal reflection, storytelling and comparisons between textbook or clinical examples and their own experience” (Billings and Halstead, 2012, p. 218).

    Storytelling is one of many communication tools used in the socio-cultural historical influences theory. As such, the teaching strategy that complements it is storytelling, defined by Billings and Halstead (2012) as dialogue “that involves a conversation between two or more people” (p. 269). Storytelling as a teaching strategy is consistent with the major tenets of the socio-cultural theory. Haigh and Hardy (2011) state , “stories are reflective, creative and value laden, usually revealing something important about the human condition” (p. 408). Storytelling in education can create a sense of unity amongst students and provide a safe place to voice their fears and concerns (Haigh and Hardy, 2011). In healthcare, storytelling “can be beneficial to patients in creating an environment for the sharing of experience and the creation of supportive groupings… [and has] also been used to explore and erode symbolic boundaries between medics and nurses” (Haigh and Hardy, 2011, p. 410).

    Banks (2012) asserts another benefit of storytelling can be to advance health equity research:
    An African proverb says “until lions have their own ‘story tellers’ tales of a lion hunt will always glorify the hunter.” As long as researchers have sole responsibility for collecting and analyzing data, interventions will reflect researchers’ stories about what is important for advancing health equity… Storytelling may be an especially vital tool for building trust between researchers and populations where historical or on-going oppression, marginalization, power imbalance, and abuse of participants within the research context are part of the collective memory. (pp. 395, 396)

    Christiansen (2011) continues with the benefits of storytelling:
    [T]hrough an emotional and reflective engagement with multiple perspectives storytelling can bring about learning that involves a transformation in how students view themselves others and with implications for practice. Peer dialogue and conversation provide opportunities for students to clarify and share ideas, develop critical thinking and validate new ways of thinking that place the patient experience at the centre of learning. (p. 293)

    What is also now at the center of learning is the student. In the past and still present in some learning settings the teacher was the center of learning and gave direction without addressing the students’ differences or styles of assimilating knowledge. As adults have become students, different learning is needed. Andragogy, as popularized by Malcolm Knowles, is learning specifically for adults (Keesee, 2011). Knowles asserts that adult learners have six characteristics:
    1. Self-concept: adults are self-directed;
    2. Experience: adults learn and draw from their own past experiences;
    3. Readiness to learn: adults are more interested in information that is relevant to them;
    4. Orientation to learning: adults need immediate application to solve problems;
    5. Motivation to learn: adults are motivated by self esteem, curiosity and achievement;
    6. Relevance: adults need to know the relevance of the material being presented. (Keesee, 2012)

    Kantor (2010) also discusses the importance of moving away from the teacher centered, didactic, content laden approach of teaching:
    A linear thinking approach is replaced with an understanding of multiple perspectives and critical thinking skills are further enhanced. The significance of self-reflection and being open to new teaching and learning approaches has implications for nurse educators and consequentially nursing education. (p. 417)

    Cognitive development focusing on socio-cultural historical influences and storytelling can be applied to adult learners on many levels. Adults have varied experiences to share. Sharing their stories will validate their knowledge and also give them the respect they may feel they have earned. Adult learners may find a readiness to share storytelling to impart their knowledge to others as they have more confidence in themselves and their capabilities. Storytelling for adults may bridge gaps between younger adults and older adults and foster more cooperation in academia and the workplace.

    Limitations of These Literary References
    Some teachers may not feel comfortable directing such a broad, diverse population. Having knowledge of all cultures may be a daunting task for some teachers. There is also the skill of engaging students and patients to share their personal experiences in an environment they may not feel safe in. There may also be an issue of getting students to focus on specific, relevant issues. Not all will find this style of learning to be productive and may tune out.

    There are numerous learning theories and teaching strategies from which to draw from. Adult learners must be advocates for their own learning style and discover ways to have their voices heard. Not one shoe will fit everyone, but if there can be a way for each individual adult learner to walk in someone else’s shoes, if only for a moment, nursing education and nursing practice can make great forward strides.

    Banks, J. (2012). Storytelling to access social context and advance health equity research. Preventive Medicine, 55(5), 394?397. doi:10.1016/j.ypmed.2011.10.015

    Billings, D. M., & Halstead, J. A. (2012). Teaching in Nursing: A Guide for Faculty (4th ed.). St. Louis, MO: Elsevier Saunders.

    Christiansen, A. (2011). Storytelling and professional learning: A phenomenographic study of students’ experience of patient digital stories in nurse education. Nurse Education Today, 31, 289-293. doi:10.1016/j.nedt.2010.10.006

    Haigh, C., & Hardy, P. (2011). Tell me a story: A conceptual exploration of storytelling in healthcare education. Nurse Education Today, 31(4), 408-411. doi:10.1016/j.nedt.2010.08.001

    Kantor, S. A. (2010). Pedagogical Change in Nursing Education: One instructor’s Experience. Journal of Nursing Education, 49(7), 414-417. doi:10.3928/01484834-20100331-06

    Keesee , G. S. (2011, March 14). Teaching and Learning Resources / Andragogy: Adult learning theory [Web log post]. Retrieved from http://teachinglearningresources.pbworks.com/w/page/30310516/Andragogy–Adult%20Learning%20Theory

    photo credit: http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4o85vtygH1qzc84bo1_500.jpg

  • ContactRida 9:47 pm on March 11, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: midterm, , paper,   

    midterm + paper = going dark 

    Working full-time and going to school part-time is not ideal. I’m off to work now, so I can’t do my weekly run up the stairwell. I need to get some studying in if only 20 minutes. Know I will return by 3/16/14 Sunday.

    In the meantime, here’s a good site for citation help: http://www.citefast.com/

    My paper will be from the articles below. So I will be writing, just not here:(

    Banks, J. (2012). Storytelling to access social context and advance health equity research. Preventive Medicine, 55(5), 394?397. doi:10.1016/j.ypmed.2011.10.015

    Billings, D. M., & Halstead, J. A. (2012). Teaching in Nursing: A Guide for Faculty (4th ed.). St. Louis, MO: Elsevier Saunders.

    Christiansen, A. (2011). Storytelling and professional learning: A phenomenographic study of students’ experience of patient digital stories in nurse education. Nurse Education Today, 31, 289-293. doi:10.1016/j.nedt.2010.10.006

    Haigh, C., & Hardy, P. (2011). Tell me a story: A conceptual exploration of storytelling in healthcare education. Nurse Education Today, 31(4), 408-411. doi:10.1016/j.nedt.2010.08.001

    Kantor, S. A. (2010). Pedagogical Change in Nursing Education: One instructor’s experience. Journal of Nursing Education, 49(7), 414-417. doi:10.3928/01484834-20100331-06

    Stanley, M. J., & Dougherty , J. P. (2010). A paradigm shift in nursing education: a new model. Nursing Education Perspectives, 31(6), 378-80.


    • Karuna 11:10 pm on March 11, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Reading this post was like a flashback to my past. I worked and raised kids when I went to school for my Masters in Nursing and from 1974-1979 I was Assistant Professor in Nursing at the University of Washington! That time was so long ago it feels like a past life. I hope you enjoy writing your paper and look forward to you coming back to the blog!

      • Karuna 1:28 am on March 12, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        I am replying to amend what I said to you earlier! The memories I mentioned are real but the timing was off. I was already teaching at the University of Washington School of Nursing when my son Sreejit was born.

        I was actually remembering a time in the mid 80’s. At that point, I worked part time, raised kids and went to school. Two years into my pre-doctoral program I changed my mind and decided to start a private psychotherapy practice instead.

        Nursing is a great field. You can go so many different directions with it.

        • ContactRida 10:16 am on March 12, 2014 Permalink | Reply

          understood. nursing is great because you can go many different directions. it’s just the ‘waiting to change direction’ part that is annoying:)

          • Karuna 10:23 am on March 12, 2014 Permalink | Reply

            I most definitely resonate with that sentiment!

      • ContactRida 10:14 am on March 12, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        thank you:)

    • andy1076 10:10 pm on March 11, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      That’s quite a lot of reading etc :O

    • kbeezyisviral 9:49 pm on March 11, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Study hard and keep your head up.

  • ContactRida 7:17 am on February 13, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: essential personnel, Nor'easter, snow, snow day   

    calm before the Nor’easter 

    2010-01-01 00.00.00-53 2010-01-01 00.00.00-54 2010-01-01 00.00.00-8 2010-01-01 00.00.00-16 2010-01-01 00.00.00-25 2010-01-01 00.00.00-6 2010-01-01 00.00.00-56 2010-01-01 00.00.00-66 2010-01-01 00.00.00-67 2010-01-01 00.00.00-29 2010-01-01 00.00.00-68 2010-01-01 00.00.00-69

    2010-01-01 00.00.00-43 2010-01-01 00.00.00-47 2010-01-01 00.00.00-49 2010-01-01 00.00.00-50

    I can’t call out today since I am “essential personnel,” like cops, firemen and EMTs. But I bet the overnight shift won’t show up today forcing me to do an unscheduled double. Sometimes, being a nurse sucks large sweaty balls.


  • ContactRida 11:58 pm on February 10, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: drooling, hot, ,   


    I had class tonight. I didn’t sleep the night before so my brain was fried. I just accepted I would be late for class and took my time getting the later train. I arrive 25 minutes late and the professor isn’t there. The assistant teacher is there though. I sit in class, posture erect as if to will myself ‘up’. The lecture was grueling. Why do teachers still read the power points? I can read them at home. “I don’t come to class to have you read them to me.”

    We finally get to the lab portion. I slowly walked over to the guy I worked with last week. “Do you want to partner again?” I asked. “Sure thing,” he said cheerfully, like a golden Labrador. I pretend not to be excited, “I’ll try to find a closer room this time,” I say in a forced monotone trying so very hard to appear aloof. “Don’t look at his ass. Don’t look at his ass,” I shouted inside my head. I looked. “Oh mamacita.”

    At this point, I am functioning on adrenaline and remaining fuel of a Marie Callender sausage, egg and cheese biscuit. This is dangerous because I ramble incessantly when I haven’t slept as if on a weekend cocaine binge. I kept apologizing for rambling but I wouldn’t “Shut The Fuck Up!” But an amazing thing happened. He revealed that he worked nights too and completely understood what I was going through. He even listened to me talk about my day at work. And he shared his day with me too. I couldn’t help but wonder if there was a Mrs. Labrador at home complaining that he never talks about work or ever shares anything with her. Oh well, sucks to be her. He was all mine for those blissful 60 minutes.

    Our time ended and we bid our farewells. “I will see you tonight between my thighs lover,” I purred on the inside. I’m not a complete idiot… but a girl can dream…


  • ContactRida 5:20 am on February 5, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , bedside manner, exam, interview, smoking   

    window into nursing practice 

    Here’s a look at my first exam with a patient(actor). I have such a soothing, earnest manner. Never knew that. Guess that’s what people see when I treat them. I did forget to ask if she smoked. D’oh! My bad:( She was a smoker, which she revealed during the critique(not taped).

    So… my bedside manner needs no work, but I need a more seamless and focused interview, with less note taking. Any suggestions?

  • ContactRida 11:20 am on January 23, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: doubles, empty tank, night shift, , , sleep deprivation   

    sleep deprivation 


    I worked a double tonight. Someone called out sick. I could have said no but I love a challenge and this job is truly challenging me. But these doubles are taking their toll. I have most of the adverse effects of sleep deprivation, on top of my regular, natural anxiety if anxiety can be regular and natural. And I am fighting my natural urge of not being a people person (meaning I typically hate people, prefer cats and dogs), so that creates even more stress. So many times I want to strangle people at work, at the gas station, in the grocery store, in my building. I guess I have a very low threshold for strangling. They say knowing there’s a problem is half the battle. Yeah, whatever.

    So after I made my third error at work in the past 5 weeks, I will now be on just evening shift and no more overnights. I can’t help but wonder if my subconscious planned this. I never wanted to work overnights, I was just being flexible. Gifts sometimes come disguised as something negative. Hopefully, I will be able to keep my 32 hours and keep my benefits, although I have yet to use them. When I had no health insurance, I had to go to those minute clinics and pay through the nose. Now I have insurance, I don’t even use it! I should probably try to schedule some emergency doctor appointments this weekend, just in case I lose it next week. “I’m insured doc, so run every test you can!”

    OK. 11:17am. Time to try to get 2 hours of sleep before I have to get up and go to work.


    • Anonymous 2:36 pm on February 13, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Good post. I’ve had problems for coming up to the 8th year now. Strangely, I am creative early in the morning when I wake up and can’t sleep anymore. 2 or 3 hours but my brain’s on overtime. I saw doctors, dropped pills and, at the end of the day (no pun intended) I’m better off sleeping less…

    • relationspdbeverly 3:48 pm on February 8, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Talk about sleep deprivation! To that, I can definitely relate! I think I’ve been sleep deprived since I’ve been an adult. I won’t tell you how long that’s been. And all of the digital apparatus around these days doesn’t help. Make sure you get room-darkening draperies, turn the alarm clock away from you or cover it, do the same for the DVR, phone charger or anything with a light on it. And ease up on the coffee or drink decaf.

      I feel tired just reading your post…

      Get some sleep!

  • ContactRida 11:57 pm on January 20, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: bile, muscle memory, , , sympathy vomit   

    sympathy vomit 

    The patient begins with heaving, his shoulders reaching for his ears, his body doubling over. His eyes become glassy, his skin pale and then the horrid retching. Not projectile but jerky and percolating through the large gaps in his teeth. I try to keep calm and place towels under his chin but i could not sync my movements with his retches and end up with his warm stomach contents all over my ungloved hands. And that’s when it began. My brain told my stomach it was being effected too. Excessive saliva quickly filled my mouth and I was helpless to my evolution. I could only hold up one finger to the patient to signal I would be right back. The second I turned my back to the patient, it happened. I threw up in my mouth. I had no choice. I had to swallow. I don’t know what was worse: having my own unnecessary vomit in my mouth or swallowing my own sympathy vomit? All of this happened within one minute. One minute! Patient was safe and aspiration free, but I was psychologically traumatized by my own body. I have created muscle memory for vomit. I now work in fear of the next puking patient.


  • ContactRida 12:52 pm on January 18, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , being a bitch, being nice, bitches, DeNiro, , Heat, MD, medical school, , , Pacino   

    nice nurses finish last 

    I won’t bore you with office BS. If you held a job anywhere, you already know there are incompetent superiors who try to hide their flaws by covering their ass, or rather, throwing YOU under the bus. Blah, blah, blah, long story short, after working nearly 20 hours straight today, I am going to apply to medical school.

    I will finish (maybe) my Family Nurse Practitioner track which is four more semesters counting this one. But I’ve just had it with cunt nurses. No apologies. I’m slow because I address nearly every little fire. Quick nurses who finish early do so because they are rude bitches who don’t let the patients speak. Period. That’s not me. And patients don’t complain about the bitch nurse because they are too afraid to. So WTF?

    I get angry. I get motivated. This is my life. It’s a scene from HEAT with Robert DeNiro:

    “A guy told me one time, “Don’t let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner.”

    If I’m not happy (feel the heat) I walk, burn the bridge, piss on it, salt it, and walk off into the sunset.  Fuck it.  I am the queen of starting over. Sooooooooo, I just have to find a med school that will accept me. I can’t seem to stop challenging myself:)


    • T. Dawn 1:47 pm on January 18, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      You go on with your pissed off, bass ass self. Practitioner??? That is so awesome. Use the force girl…get good and aggravated to keep you motivated. Just remember to smile pretty on the interviews. Keep us posted!!

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