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  • ContactRida 11:57 pm on January 26, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: awareness, child, , fact, fiction, , ,   

    "You don’t know because you don’t have kids." 

    “Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is. There is the situation or the face, and here are my thoughts about it. Instead of making up stories, stay with the facts. For example, “I am ruined” is a story. It limits you and prevents you from taking effective action. “I have fifty cents left in my bank account” is a fact. Facing facts is always empowering. Be aware that what you think, to a large extent, creates the emotions you feel. See the link between your thinking and your emotions. Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them.” – Eckhart Tolle

    Borrowed from: http://whatsimica.wordpress.com/2014/01/24/quote-of-the-da/

    It has been brought to my attention that I don’t know what it is to be a mother because I don’t have any children. This is not the first time I’ve heard this but many. I had to wait several days to respond to this because I wanted to be sure where my words were coming from. And like clockwork, the answers were laid before me in such divine fashion.

    I saw the above quote on another blog and it resonated. I do not have children. That is a fact. That I would not know what it is like to be a mother: now that is a story. You don’t know what I know because you are not me. You do not know the capacity or depth of my mind, my heart or my soul. Only I and my creator know those things.

    I have vivid memories of my childhood. I remember watching from my grandma’s window, a random plane take off. Hot tears streamed down my face because my mother left me. She went on a vacation. I did not understand what a vacation was. I just wanted her to come back. When I was young, I loved her so much. I remember coming to her bed when I had a bad dream. She asked me what I wanted. I said I was scared and I wanted to sleep with her. She told me to go back to sleep in my own bed and close my door. I cried myself to sleep, alone.

    I loved my mother so much as a child. I wanted her to love me back but she never did. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. She didn’t know how to. In spite of herself, she taught me how to be self-sufficient. She taught me how to be an island. Good or bad, she taught me so many things that make me what I am today.

    So it hurts deeply when I hear those sharp, biting, cruel words, “You don’t know because you don’t have kids.” I know what it is to have a mother. I know what a mother should not be and what she should be. I lived it. I still live it. You have no idea how deeply afraid and terrified I am of having a child. I know what type of mother I would be. I would want to completely absorb my child. I would breathe in the air she would breathe out. She would be my heart, my soul, my love, my life, my salvation.

    And this is why I do not have children. I can’t love someone that much and not have the love returned to me how I need it returned. The very thought that I could say or do something hateful or hurtful to my child that she would forever remember, cuts through me. I know where I come from and what I am capable of. I have my demons. Even if there is a 1% chance I would damage my child, that is a risk I am not willing to take.

    Perhaps I take parenting too seriously. Perhaps too many don’t take it seriously enough. There are too many variables in the world to be conclusive. But I do know what being a mother is without having children. What I don’t know is the reasoning or thought behind saying, “You don’t know because you don’t have kids.” Why use such divisive words? Why minimalize another’s life experience?

    I don’t know what the universe has planned for me. Perhaps there is a purpose for me being without child. Perhaps there is a purpose for me being strong, self-sufficient and nomadic. That is the story that has yet to be told. But the only fact you know about me is that I do not have a child. Anything else is presumption, based on your own experiences, thoughts and emotions. Be aware of where your words come from. Be aware.

    • relationspdbeverly 8:15 pm on January 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I hate that comment: You don’t have kids. Look at those women that attempted to perform exorcisms on their kids last week. Not every parent should be one.

      But that’s not to say that you won’t be a great mother.

  • ContactRida 4:29 am on January 22, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: consequences, crap shoot, dad, foundation, , mommy guilt, moral, , parenting skills, responsibility, SAHM   

    The #1 Most Important Job in the World 

    this post is in response to: http://tdawneightyone.wordpress.com/2014/01/21/mommy-guilt-oh-i-thought-jacking-up-my-body-and-sanity-was-enough-silly-me/ i will be the asshole and call bullshit on this post. i am so sick of seeing those obnoxious bumper stickers that proclaim. “my child is on the honor roll” or something else equally lame. parents swell up with pride when their child does something great and wonderful, Youtube & FB is full of that shit. but let their child do something wrong, and then we hear, “oh parenting is a crap shoot.”


    being a parent is not a crap shoot. it’s a responsibility, one not to be taken lightly. songs, swearing and clothing won’t send your child down the wrong path but being too lenient, wanting to be best friends or being a drill sergeant will hurry them down that road. i want to stab a person every time i hear, “oh you don’t have kids?” as if squirting out pups somehow makes you holier, smarter and in tune with the secrets of the universe. OctoMom, enough said.


    children are a product of their parents. period. end of story. i have seen too much of what goes on behind closed doors to know the apple never falls far from the tree. being a parent is a very heavy responsibility. Mom & Dad are equally responsible. they need to teach their offspring the difference between right and wrong. they need to also understand that their kids have eyes and ears, they see what’s going on between mom and dad and they internalize it, good and bad. so if you are doing what’s right and giving your kids a firm moral foundation, then there should be no guilt, ever. being a Mom or Dad isn’t the hardest job in the world. it is the MOST important job in the world.


    • Ye Pirate 10:10 am on February 26, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Lovely last words, that you include ‘Dad’, most don’t.

    • T. Dawn 9:43 am on January 22, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I shared this on my FB page. You really got me thinking about Mom guilt vs. accepting responsibility for our actions, how the two are related and how they are different monsters all together. Here is the link to my page if you care to follow along…if anyone responds anyway!

      • ContactRida 10:51 am on January 23, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        thanks so much. i was worried you would take it the wrong way. at the end of the day, if you raise your kids to respect themselves and question things that don’t quite feel right, then you’ve done your job as a parent. i just get so angry when i keep hearing over and over again about teen boys raping passed out drunk girls. who’s raising these boys that they think it’s not only ok to rape, but ok to film it and laugh about it. it’s crazy. and most of those parents blame the girl. wtf?!? so that is where i was coming from. when i was a teen and saw a passed out guy, i didn’t think, ‘oh let me take advantage and rape him’. so parents have a lot of work to do instilling in their kids a moral foundation, but how can they when dad goes to strip clubs every friday night with the boys. it’s all connected. kids learn from what they see going on at home. ok, i worked a double and have to go back in at 2:45pm, so i will try to sleep for 2 hours:)

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