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  • ContactRida 6:00 am on June 1, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , invention   

    open letter to Professor Rogers 

    When I woke up on Friday, you did not exist. My world seemed large, my opportunities seemed limitless. I woke up and all was possible. I had just finished my shift. I was more than ever convinced bedside nursing was not for me. Long term care has become a last stop for unmanageable mentally ill patients, from Alzheimer’s to schizophrenia. It’s become increasingly hard to notice a change in condition when the baseline is always manic.

    Now was the time to start working on my invention. I had seen too many patients with red streaks on their arms from the blood pressure cuff; heard too many complaints that the cuff hurts; wasted so much time getting vitals on patients because there’s only one machine and it constantly malfunctions. “This can’t be the state of healthcare in America,” I thought.

    I thought about something that could measure vitals without the bruises, without the pain, without the wait. A patch. A vitals check patch. OK. I named it. I conquered the first few steps of an idea. The next step: run a search to see if it already exists. That step took weeks because I didn’t want to know. Didn’t want all of my dreams dashed. Didn’t want to know I had missed the boat again.

    So Friday I searched. Friday I found you. Ever get that sinking feeling in your stomach when an elevator first takes off? Multiply that by 100. That’s what I felt: gutted. And it’s not like you beat me by a few weeks. You beat me by several years. And just like that, my world became small again, I became nobody, just another working stiff embodying the words of a Paul Simon song, slip slidin’ away.

    Why should you care? Why should I, out of the tens of thousands who contact you, be relevant? I can’t answer that for you. I can only tell you that this was going to be ‘it’ for me. A product of rape, coming from poverty, winning a four year scholarship, getting a degree in Political Science, then Law, practicing as a criminal defense attorney for a year, quitting, becoming a massage therapist, then completing an accelerated 12 month nursing program to achieve my BSN and now working on my Masters to become a FNP, and most likely getting my Doctorate in Nursing before I die, plus taking violin lessons and learning French this summer, why should I be relevant to you?

    I have no engineering background, no mathematical genius. Business acumen? Perhaps. Being knee deep in healthcare does give me an advantage, an insight your developers may not have. But this is what I know to be true: on Friday you did not exist. Today you do. But today, you now know I exist. I can’t help but believe that makes me somewhat relevant to you.

    Rida-

     
  • ContactRida 8:05 am on April 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: crunch time, , panic, stressed out   

    4 more weeks of… 

    I have four more weeks of class, or at least, I hope I have only four. As I have written previously, my academic fate dangles in the balance. I may have to repeat that class this summer. So, thinking of that just made me sleepy. So I slept for most of Tuesday. No. I wasn’t depressed. I just wanted my body to experience unapologetic rest before the shit-storm of:
    no sleep,
    attempted daily studying,
    some writing,
    non-stop double shift working every weekend,
    one day of teaching students,
    waiting for my GM car to blow up since the engine light is always on now, did I mention I just took it to the dealership to have the ‘check engine light’ problem repaired,
    and continue my diet,
    do my taxes,
    correction, start my taxes,
    and stretch my back on my yoga ball because I think I’m getting a hunch back from leaning over my patients’ beds,
    plus deal with my mother who said she wanted to move, which means I will have to finance that,
    and text with this guy I’ve known for over three years, whom I’ve never kissed or held hands with, but I would like to marry some day,
    but ok with the idea of being forever single since I unofficially married myself to me a day ago,
    since I will never leave me,
    and will always provide for me
    and keep me safe,
    and love me unconditionally.

    So. You can see why I slept all day Tuesday:)
    Time_Running_Out
    photo credit: http://www1.free-clipart.net/gallery2/clipart/Business/Cartoons/Time_Running_Out.jpg

     
    • Dawn 7:58 pm on April 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Hang in there girl. All this craziness WILL eventually end. Take naps every chance you get, drink wine every chance you get and don’t let the stress get the best of you! …keep me posted on this guy…I want to know more 🙂

      • ContactRida 2:07 am on April 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        Hey lovely lady! I”ve been thinking of you lately. nothing serious, just wondering how life is with you. tick tock for me. i really don’t want to repeat this class but see it as an opportunity to be better, but really don’t want it to happen. how are your little ones? i keep getting asked at work if i have any kids. um no. “oh don’t worry, you have time.” i just let those statements go and say ‘yeah’. weird. people keep trying to put babies in me. this guy, Andrew, whom i have known for over 3 years, is an anomaly, but very interesting. i invited him to vegas, so we shall see. your invite is still open as well:)

        • Dawn 5:16 pm on April 5, 2014 Permalink | Reply

          Yeah that whole strangers putting babies in you is just kind of odd. Why do people say that, “you still have time”. …as if it never occurred to people that maybe you don’t even want kids. Not saying you don’t but, ya know?

          Anywaaaaaay. Kids are good but challenging daily. The little guy is testing me lately…my sister says I have the patience of a saint because his non-stop demands for what-the-hell ever are relentless. The four yr old is about to turn in to a five year old and proves she is way too mature for her age daily. It’s literately mind blowing. I’m good I suppose. I’m not writing like I used to but I’m ok with it I suppose. It’s frustrating but I think I just went so full board in that I burned out a little. It’s ok…Momma will get her groove back.

          And vegas…ahhhh vegas!

          • ContactRida 11:47 am on April 6, 2014 Permalink | Reply

            several thoughts: as your girl is wiser than her years, are we born who we will become? nature vs nurture. the more i live, the more i lean towards nature. what if monsters and angels are born, not shaped? what if…

            mojo: being that i need time to absorb your work, i haven’t noticed any change in your writing, but i haven’t been reading your work in the past week or two. no slight on you, i’ve just got time to Like pics and limericks:) maybe you are looking too hard at your work. maybe you are too close. maybe you are wrong…

            womb: there is something about my cervix that everyone wants to put a baby in it. i expect it from family (they have me down as a closet lesbian since all menstruating women in our clan start breeding at 16 and don’t stop until they have great grand kids). but strangers, co-workers, friends, they all want a baby in me. WHAT? it’s hard to envision loving a man so much that i would stop thinking of ‘me’ and start thinking of ‘us’. i am quite selfish and have grown quite fond of the shadow it casts (i’m in a poetic mood:)

            vegas: just say the words Momma!

    • http://theenglishprofessoratlarge.com 10:49 am on April 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I applaud your marrying yourself. I made that same decision years after my divorce when I realized that I didn’t want to re-marry, that I was perfectly content with myself. Don’t stress about the class. If other areas in your life are troublesome, you can always lose yourself for a couple of hours in studying. Think of it as a small vacation from everything else. Take care.

      • ContactRida 3:19 pm on April 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        thank you. that’s a new way to look at studying:) it just may work…

    • sinnerz13 10:47 am on April 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Deary me! A train crash of thoughts!

  • ContactRida 8:45 am on January 29, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: choice, , Mr. Anderson, Mr. Smith, Neo, ocd, perfectionism, The Matrix, why do you persist   

    Atlas Shrugged 

    I spent roughly 8 hours trying to convert phone video then camera video to usable video for this blog. The fact that no one, well almost no one, even looks at this shit speaks volumes of my perfectionism and insanity. Surely I could have taken a one day holiday from posting. Surely (stop calling me Shirley). But I persist, like Neo from the Matrix. No matter what life brings me be it trivial or profound, if I believe in it, I persist.

    I will not be defeated by an upload. I will persist until my very last breath. I do recognize these are also stalker qualities, which I have been guilty of once or twice or moreish. But it is my indomitable spirit that pushes me to persist.

    I persist because I choose to… (well, that’s the story i’m going with right now:)

     
    • relationspdbeverly 12:23 pm on January 29, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      LOL! Hell, at least you know how to do it! I’m horrible at it. For one thing, I never know what we’re allowed to use at what is considered copyright infringement.

      • ContactRida 3:25 am on January 30, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        they say trial and error. i’m having a lot more error than trial:)

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